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Like many, if not most, of my liberal arts educated contemporaries, I spent most of my college years immersed in feminist theories and thoughts, all of which appeared to give me new tools to understand the world I was living in, and suggested concrete ways I might go about changing the parts of the world I didn’t much like. The first inkling that there might be something amiss with my new tools arose when I gave birth to my first child and became a stay-at-home-mother, dependent on my husband for economic security. It wasn’t so much the sneering contempt for my choice that clued me in. I met the ubiquitous “goodness! What do you do all the day?” comments with aplomb, I…
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First of all, I wanna question some of the niggas: Why do you find this word offensive? It amazes me how you can be insulted by a fucking compliment! Let’s analyze the history of Niggadom (lent this word from Katt Williams):
(1) yes, “civilization” came to you later than to the white people and some white people even now discriminate you
(2) yes, you were slaves for the white
But nowadays, these have become good things:
Look at the white males – most of them are pussies; can’t fuck a woman right; erectile dysfunction; a lot of fears & insecurities; “nice guy” issue, etc.
It’s like more than 1 in a 10 white males are pussies or suffer from one of the above. I don’t know about you, but I’m sure there’s less than 1 in a million niggas who’s a pussy.
The fact that niggas were close to the nature longer than whites, makes a big difference now: they’re more Manly. Their testosterone levels are much more high than a white ones. Simply speaking, the single difference between a man and a woman is their genital organ. A man is a man because of his cock which is responsible for all the behavior, attitude and look. A woman is a woman because of her pussy, which has the same responsibilities. Because Niggas were more in the wild, once moved to “civilization”, their body maintained/maintain the natural “Man” part for longer. Whites, being more civilized, detached themselves from the natural habitat and created a limited world for themselves. Of course their “Man” character was to diminish! Simply speaking, modernization/manners destroyed their cocks. Because of the stress they subjugated to, they oppressed subconsciously the power of their cocks. That way, feminism could develop and as we see – it’s developed. White women escaped the control of the white cocks, because their power was diminished. That’s why nowadays exist “bitch”-attitude women, cockblockers, lesbians and unsatisfied women. Once escaped the power of the cock, they got access to the power of free choice and independence. As the realization (of the new power got) growing, women started to oppress males. Women you gotta accept it! – that’s what happened. You felt the taste of power and you wanted more for a somewhat “revenge” for all the “oppressed” centuries. The thing is – that will get you bitter and unsatisfied, because you can find no more good cock to get fucked, to get possessed and feel the pleasure of a real orgasm (which will make you realize that being dependent on the man, and getting fucked regularly experiencing lots of pleasure is not that bad). Niggas didn’t pass through all this shit. They still control their women and soon enough, they might become the only normal Males on the planet. So, Niggas, you better somehow prepare for your future gigolo job, because there’s gonna be a lot of horny women ready to pay big bucks for you fucking them. And that’s not a flight of my imagination. Some scientific study even showed that in future, women will start buying niggas from Africa for the only purpose of them fucking, ‘cause nobody else will be able. Just remind yourself the usual combination women associate with niggas: “big black fat dick that’ll make me cum all over the bed”. Conclusion: Niggas is the Shit, because they behave like Real Men should.
Looking at the second point I mentioned, I say: As Katt Williams said in “The Pimp Chronicles”, niggas weren’t just picking cotton in the field, they were working on their skills, at the same time working out their body. Result: Almost all niggas have a good body without much gym, almost all niggas play great basketball, almost all niggas look awesome!
Even if the stuff I mentioned at the beginning of the article was a bad thing at the time, it brought them to where they are today. Conclusion: Niggas is the Shit, because they look like Real Men should.
One more conclusion can be taken regarding the origin of racism (the one concerning niggas): Niggas are hated because they’re Niggas, because they’re the shit!, because they’re some real mothafuckas! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EjcwIVL3s8)
I wrote this article from the thoughts I had today while going for a walk. And I just got my biggest impossible wish: I wish I was born a nigga. I know it’s impossible, but that would have been great.
My mission became: study© Niggas. Study their attitude to different matters, their way of behaving, their principles. I swear, for me, every sentence from a nigga mouth will be like a Bible sentence for Christians. Everyone who knows me well, knows that I consider myself the God of my life – but now I realized Niggas are the Gods. I wanna be like them. And when (or if) comes that day when niggas start calling me nigga – I’ll be the happiest mothafucka on this planet.
Niggas is the Shit and they should be proud to be called niggas, ‘cause that word symbolizes their entire superiority over the white race.
I’m just gonna finish this article by quoting 2 verses of Tupac: “I don’t want to be her man, I want to be her nigga/ You feel me?”
Today was another day of my “opening”. Again, I confronted a new issue of my personality, before being neglected and denied since my “total change” (which happened in August)
This time it relates to “masks”. By “masks” I mean the sudden change of personality for a certain group or person, as if you would put a mask on your face and play a certain role.
Now, we all experience somehow such situations when you try to be who you’re not for a certain group or person, because we are imposed to do that by some situations, or because we must act like that according to some rules (for example, at work).
The issue I encountered is: “masks attach to persons”. Back to the time when I was a pussy, I behaved a certain way by playing different roles. Now I noticed that, involuntarily I behave according to the mask I was wearing for talking with a certain girl. Even if I changed, I behave naturally only with the persons I recently met or my best friends. But with the girls I know for a long time – I’m a pussy. Starting today, I’ll start to pay more attention to my behaving and I’ll strive to be my real self.
I consider that realizing this fact took me too much time. Now all my girl-acquaintances know me like the pussy I was and not how I really am…
This stuff makes me be mad on me…
A good example of the problem described would be this:
The persons I greeted first time with a confident “Hello” know me as a confident person and I’m involuntarily confident in their presence and I do exhibit confident behavior.
The persons I greeted first time with a weak “I don’t deserve your attention”-like “Hello” know me as a pussy and I’m exhibiting beta-like personality in their presence.
Dealing with this shit is rather hard, as I tried today…
Anyway, I’m gonna continue my quest to acquire integrity.
It looks like yesterday’s episode was only a start for this challenge I have to endure. Or better said: It was a start of my realization/acceptance of the fact that: I felt like that continuously along the whole time (ignoring it)…
Today I had the great “pleasure” to sit near her and be there for like 1,5h… Now that was some pretty hard quest… At my studying procedure (or location), I was made to work in pairs with her. It’s good each of us had some homework to prepare, so we intersected our sights very little. But being near her was really a challenge. And as you see, I’m starting unconsciously repeating myself…
Sensing her smell and hearing her sweet voice at such a little distance made my mind blurry. All thoughts just messed up…. And when I had to show my knowledge and mind abilities – I fucked up…. As simply as that… Messed up all the info I had to present…
Frankly, at a certain moment, it felt like she was enjoying the procedure of “torturing” me… But that might have been just my imagination…
Anyway, I can assuredly say that I had somehow enjoyed it… How strange it may sound… But, yeah – I enjoyed it… Being near her felt great, although painful… (a little bit)…
…… Interestingly, after proofreading the article before posting, I uncontrollably start to analyze the feelings I’m experiencing, and I catch my mind on the fact that, although the words are so confuse and antagonistic – to me these descriptions are so clear… Funny situation…
Today I found a new passion of mine. Well, it’s not quite new, because I noticed this thing earlier too, but I always strived to neglect it. Strangely, I now feel ashamed because I didn’t recognize it as a trait of mine, thus damaging my integrity “silently”. So, basically, it’s “falling in love with a girl because she dresses and speaks a certain way”… Something like that….
Let me retell you today’s feeling. It happened at my studying courses. She [another girl] was sitting behind me, at the left side of the desk. As I’m sitting alone in my desk occupying the whole place (predominantly in the right side, turned in a lateral way), I got to observe her very well. She was dressed very sexy, but not provocatively or erotic (maybe only in a certain way). Her upper body had a brown to gray colored top, covering entirely her impressive breasts, pointing out her extremely delicious body… OK, that’s enough of that type of describing 🙂 … On her top she had a black leather coat (opened). Now, everyone who knows me very well, knows that I absolutely adore (black) leather clothing, especially when a woman is dressed in it. I’m not sure, but I think that just because she was wearing that leather coat in that moment of time, I fell in love with her… Or maybe that coat just contributed to the realization that I have always wanted her as my wife…. Returning to the moment, I want to add that she also sighed when I looked at her once… Oh man, now that was so fucking erotic…
Also, sometimes she has such an erotic voice… Like women have during foreplay… That thing just made me fucking melt right there… The single thing I had on my mind was to steal a kiss from her… Taste her lips…
A mentor of mine once told me about such sigh, like the sound every guy is pursuing his entire life… Now I understand what he meant… And that sound was like being in heaven for a moment…
I guess from this situation, you could understand what I meant by “falling in love because she dresses or speaks a certain way in a certain moment”… If something like this happened to you too, I won’t be against you posting your story in the comment section below.
Not long ago, I had the opinion that a man can’t experience that type of love that makes him suffer great and when even the words “I’ll die for you” are really meant. That thing just can’t have been admitted by my mind at that time, because I know the man character. But it happened to me too. And it’s indeed strange to experience this state. I despised the “Vanilla” stuff up to some tolerable level, but after this stuff happened, I sensed my integrity shaking.
I guess, from the title, many might have taken a sudden conclusion: that I lost my Alpha attitude and spirit. But that’s not quite right. Somehow strange, but this girl really makes me tremble when I’m near her, when she speaks to me, when I sense her smell, when I sense her touch (that being something usual and informal like a push, an accidental bump, etc) or even her looking at me. I don’t tremble like aN actual tremble, but I try to make it unnoticed. Even like this I start to say and do stupid stuff. If a friend saw me in that situation, he would have said that that doesn’t look like me at all. He might be shocked or even think that he saw someone else.
Anyway, I have to say that In a state like that described, I’m losing my Alpha characteristics. Ok, I agree to the fact that sometimes we might have temporary deep attraction for a girl but only wanting a one night stand, a weekend fling, etc. and we might mistake that for love. But this time, that’s really not the case. And when I try to think seriously about it, I don’t get anything out. I know myself well. (Or so I thought up to this moment.) I think realistically and analyze logically every issue, but I can’t analyze this stuff and it puts me on guard. I sense that I’m ready to do anything for her and even be her puppy up to some level. I have to say that I actually know her very little, so that’s why I wrote “up to some level”, because I don’t think this love is eternal…. but who knows… as you can already say – the whole post is confusing…
At one moment I even sensed that I’m ready to kill myself if she distances herself from me. I thought “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT JUST NOW?”
Oh, by the way, it’s not “Suicide Love”. Actually, I found about that term only today. It’s not liKe this:
I’m not gonna kill her and me together or some shit like that…. that’s pure madness….
My single question right now is “How I ended up like this?”….. All of this is really confusing….. Why her every touch is like being struck by lightning?….
Now, after writing all of this, I reAlize that my psychological studies can help me in this situation. Long ago I discovered a really interesting psychological thing. And I used it at that time. Basically, I can fall in love and kill my love for anyone at will. At first I thought that’s impossible, but after trying it about 3 times before, I know it works… Now I’m not sure if I should kill my love for her… I know it’s gonna hurt a lot… I guess, I’ll let it be for some time and admire her from distance.
By the way, if you wondered if I approached her with this matter – I did it. She rejected me in a straightforward manner and I don’t wanna pursue her… Better love her from distance, do my thing and let her live her life…
Although, I don’t use good ol’ buddy Jack for solving such problems, but this time… I’ll share his company for this evening…
Just remembered about my blog and had the idea to look through all the posts I had here….. Can’t believe I wrote that shit. Deleted the trash and edited the existing articles. I finally understood how much I’ve changed. Now looking at all that – feels so stupid…. The stuff I wrote was clearly based on some stupid lame conclusions made by a growing teenager.
We all know this story about how the teenagers do a lot of stupid things like deciding to change the world in an instant and being highly emotive. Taking all that shit to the real world, just fills it with unnecessary stuff. But making mistakes is common for humans… OK, not to such degrees as mine, but it’s understandable. For me, judging a teenager sounds just as stupid and useless as frying money on the pan… That example just now is stupid… But it illustrates my point.
I noticed that as we grow through life we tend to forget what happened and what we did to such degree that when looking back we feel a deep shame for all that shit, realizing that we did indeed change a lot.
“Living is hard.” – many teenagers characterize life like that. But they don’t understand that they make it hard. Life is easy and it always had been as such….
Today I stumbled upon a great answer by OSHO to one of the questions addressed. I’ll not quote the entire paragraph, but I’ll express his point. – He said that we should live our life as we are always meditating 24/24. – at first, one may think: what is this bullshit?
That’s a foolish question/remark. He didn’t mean meditating as the actual process, but the state your body has during a meditation – silence and calmness… Your body isn’t stressed or tensed, but always calm and in harmony. If you start to be always calm, you’ll see how all the stress loses its power. You’ll start to enjoy everything and not care about anything unimportant… Somehow like smoking marijuana… A state full of joy and calmness…
I must say – that’s some great stuff.
I had the wish to write a post on this topic also, but it can’t be done more eloquent and subject-centered than this:
Editorial Note: This post was written by Wes Fenza, long before the falling out of our previous quint household and the subsequent illumination of his abusive behavior, sexual assault of several women, and removal from the Polyamory Leadership Network and banning from at least one conference. I have left Wes’ posts here because I don’t believe it’s meaningful to simply remove them. You cannot remove the truth by hiding it; Wes and I used to collaborate, and his thoughts will remain here, with this notice attached.
For the past month or so, the skeptic blogosphere has been talk a lot about harassment at skeptic events. Throughout these conversations, I’ve made a few disturbing observations:
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Jesus had a bad weekend for your sins.
Listen, I don’t accept the crucifixion and then the story of how Jesus rose on the third day for a second. There is simply no corroborating evidence for it, it parallels too many pre-Christian stories, and the oldest Gospel, Mark, didn’t originally contain the story of the resurrection. There is a lot out there to read about the issue of the resurrection, and I am certainly no expert (although I know one person who has expertise in related academic fields), so I will leave it to them to address that particular issue in more detail.
But if I did accept the story, that is, the bare facts that some guy (let’s call him Jesus, Yeshua, or Frank for all I care) almost 2000 years ago was wandering around with 12 dudes while preaching about some messianic Jewish story or how the…
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