Just another site

The Mask Issue

Today was another day of my “opening”. Again, I confronted a new issue of my personality, before being neglected and denied since my “total change” (which happened in August)
This time it relates to “masks”. By “masks” I mean the sudden change of personality for a certain group or person, as if you would put a mask on your face and play a certain role.
Now, we all experience somehow such situations when you try to be who you’re not for a certain group or person, because we are imposed to do that by some situations, or because we must act like that according to some rules (for example, at work).
The issue I encountered is: “masks attach to persons”. Back to the time when I was a pussy, I behaved a certain way by playing different roles. Now I noticed that, involuntarily I behave according to the mask I was wearing for talking with a certain girl. Even if I changed, I behave naturally only with the persons I recently met or my best friends. But with the girls I know for a long time – I’m a pussy. Starting today, I’ll start to pay more attention to my behaving and I’ll strive to be my real self.
I consider that realizing this fact took me too much time. Now all my girl-acquaintances know me like the pussy I was and not how I really am…
This stuff makes me be mad on me…

A good example of the problem described would be this:
The persons I greeted first time with a confident “Hello” know me as a confident person and I’m involuntarily confident in their presence and I do exhibit confident behavior.
The persons I greeted first time with a weak “I don’t deserve your attention”-like “Hello” know me as a pussy and I’m exhibiting beta-like personality in their presence.

Dealing with this shit is rather hard, as I tried today…
Anyway, I’m gonna continue my quest to acquire integrity.



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